


Harvey Bullock And The Buns Of Steel

by subminimal (markymark261)



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-10
Updated: 2011-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-24 11:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markymark261/pseuds/subminimal





	Harvey Bullock And The Buns Of Steel

It was a dark night in Gotham City and the stench of murder was in the air. But that was the way he liked it. His name was Bullock, Harvey Bullock, and murder was his business.

He’d gotten the call ten minutes earlier; a mob family had been shot dead in a restaurant. Within minutes he was there examining the crime scene, looking for clues. The floor was strewn with bullet-ridden mobsters and numerous cakes and pastries, while on the sound system the Bee Gees were singing _Staying Alive_.

Harvey knelt down, and took a bite out of one of the cakes.

“But, Sgt Bullock, you can’t just go round eating the evidence,” moaned the crime scene investigator.

“I’m examining the evidence. Becoming one with the evidence, letting the evidence become part of me.”

“You use Zen?”

“Only in Scrabble,” Harvey growled. “Anyway, I think I’ve solved it.”

“You have?” said the surprised CSI guy.

“Well, it’s just a hunch,” he began, “But in my line of work you learn to roll with the hunches. They don’t call me the World’s Greatest Detective for nothing.”

The investigator looked skeptical. “Well, I don’t think we’ll know what happened for sure till we can analyse all this back at the lab...”

“You CSI guys have it too soft in Gotham,” Harvey said, mid-cake. “Even the corpses smile at you. What you fail to realise is that this mob family has a history of food fights; they always have one here this time of year with one of the rival gangs.”

The investigator looked confused. “Even I can see this is way more than a food fight, sergeant.”

“Cakes, pastries, a food fight is exactly what this was, a specific kind of food fight; there was just a breakdown in communications, that’s all. They asked the wrong gang,” Harvey said. “And if you knew who’d escaped from Arkham recently, you’d know exactly the mistake they’d made, and you’d realise how ironic it is that they’re playing the Bee Gees.”

The investigator looked blankly at Harvey Bullock and then had to wait for him to finish his pastry before he finally got the answer:

“Never get The Ventriloquist to organise a bun fight.”

  


**The End**  



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